FORGIVENESS

source: Pinterest

This image above depicts the freedom that comes with forgiveness, and the glow you get with it.

Forgiveness, is vaguely spoken of, outrightly spoken of, thought about and passively expressed.

Forgiveness is one of the most important tools for growth, freedom, peace, rest, joy, and increase, you name it. It plays a big role in our life but we seldom appreciate it. Forgiveness is like a bedrock to change.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS

There are many ways we would describe forgiveness, some will say it is the act of releasing one from one's mind, and others will say it is letting go but yet separating from one person, it could also be regarded as intentionally letting go of pain, hatred, resentment and anger towards somebody.

I once read that psychologist says it is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness.

My best one yet is where I read forgiveness as absolving all the claims on account of debts, evil done and every other offence.

I know you are thinking “urghh I know the definition of forgiveness” I mean who wouldn’t; the question is do you understand the concept of forgiveness?

CONCEPT OF FORGIVENESS

We live in a world filled with offence, offence in the air, the water we drink, the food we eat, the streets we walk on, in the driveway, in the road traffic, in our homes, here and there. We live in a world where at times forgiveness seems very impossible, considering the hurt and pain that comes with it, considering the memories that come with it and then we just tell ourselves the lie in disguise of a truth, which is “I will never forgive them, they’ve hurt me, I will move on, but I can't get past what I they did”.

We usually think this is the best way we can handle the situation, but trust me when I say you are only giving yourself a hard time and extending the pain.

Forgiveness goes down to the root, the root of the offence, the hurt, the pain; tracing it all back from whence it started. There are days we clamour for peace within ourselves, we clamour for rest, joy and all that is there to just feel sane in this world, we do not search for the root of whatever hurt we are experiencing and we try to suppress it with otherworldly things but they only last a minute(not in the literal sense, say a moment in time) and that is because we have abandoned the underlying issue and have tried to heal with the wrong things and in the wrong way.

Diverting but not diverting, you ever need something but to receive it you have to give something back? Like “trade by barter” (Nigerian people will get this concept), but so we all get it; trade by barter is the act of trading a property for another property or for money e.g trading an old stereo or speaker for a big needed washing bowl or money, whatever is being traded or what you are trading is not the bone of contention but the fact that something is being traded is what matters.

You see, this illustration goes a long way in forgiveness. You realize that the peace, the freedom, the joy, the release you so much clamour for can be gotten if you forgive if you let go.

Forgiveness is an act of giving to receive, an exchange itself and we know it. Did I say we know it, yes I did, we mention it in our prayers “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us”(Matthew 6:12). The bible says give and it shall be given unto you, in this case of forgiveness, you forgive to receive peace, freedom and all you can think of.

Forgiveness does not have a limit to offence, it extends to every kind or type of offence, you name it in your heart, and that is as far as forgiveness can go. It goes as far as you want it to go, all you need to do is embrace it, release it and let go, regardless of what the offence was.

I know you have been hurt, felt used, betrayed, left out, looked down on, you name it, but you have to let go to be free.

You possibly just said to yourself, “Me I have moved on o, nothing concerns me” or “Well I have forgiven them, but kai what they did to me, I cannot ever forget”, sorry to burst your bubble, you never truly forgave them then. Deny the fact that as you read this and their name flashed in your mind, you didn’t feel some tightening in your chest or some sort of weakness, see I was right. Forgiveness goes beyond “nothing concerns me” it goes deeper than that and you truly need to let go.

You could be thinking “Oh they hurt me too bad, beyond what I can handle” but you can forgive. You see the greatest gift Christ gave us was life and forgiveness. He gave us these two even when we didn’t deserve it, I mean he came to give people life but ended up being crucified by the ones that he came to give life to, yet in his pain and distress he looked up to the heavens and asked that God forgive them because they did not know what they were doing. Just in case you are saying oh Jesus is so high and mighty he could take it, what of Steven? He was a man just like you and I, he was stoned and while he was being stoned, he asked God to forgive those stoning him. This just shows you that forgiveness goes down to any extent you want it to go, the peace you so desire comes from letting go of all the hurt your parents caused you, the pain your ex and friends caused you, forgive that drunk driver (I know this is hard but forgive them), the least focused but highly important one is forgiven yourself, release yourself from the bondage you have placed yourself. The moment you can think of that person, the moment you can stare at yourself in the mirror and not feel a sting, pain, heartache, or disgust, then I can say you are on a journey, the right path to healing.

EFFECT OF FORGIVENESS.

The effect, more like the benefit of forgiveness is not so profound but can last you a lifetime.

The effect of forgiveness is peace, rest happiness, freedom, and growth (you can now say, think clearly, and be the best in your job, in school, with your family and friends, and with YOURSELF). This is just it, you get all that you have searched for.

HOW TO FORGIVE

Someone who has read to this point is in that fix saying to themselves, “I want to let go, but it is hard, it feels like I am letting the person off the hook too easily, I want to release and let go but I just don’t know how”

Well, a preacher I listen to said…

“FORGIVENESS IS THE HARDEST TYPE OF GIVING” -PT

Remember I mentioned that forgiveness is like giving to receive, more like trade by barter. In our case, we want to receive but are not ready to give. I understand it could be tough letting go of that person as though they never offended you, absolving them of all the pain they caused you and making it all seem as though it never happened. I just want you to remember that forgiveness benefits you(we have spoken about that already) even more than the person that is being forgiven hence, on your pathway to forgiveness I want you to hold on to that.

The first step to forgiveness is acknowledging you are hurt, acknowledging the pain you feel and have gone through, recognizing the presence of the hurt and staying true to yourself that you feel it.

2. Go before God and talk to him about it, as much as it seems like forgiveness is a large part of our effort it is not, because the human mind has a way of holding things in and not letting go and so letting go is a lot of work and pain and to be able to do that confidently, you need the Lord to help you go through it and heal.

3. If the person is open to having a conversation about it, grant the person the audience and tell the person how you feel.

4. If the person is not open to conversing about it you could share how you feel to the person through a text message, social apps or something, just to let it out of your end(do not do it for a reply, do it for release sake)

5. Lastly pray, to seal it, to truly release and be free. Pray for them and all the years spent in hurt and disappointment from them, all you have lost will return to you with blessings. We saw how this worked in the bible, in the life of Job. (Job 42:10)

Just know this, you can do it cause greater is he that is in you, just allow him to take the lead and help you grow.